I had a very difficult winter. If you read my blog regularly you might have noticed I stopped writing. I was struggling with a lingering virus (remember-if you are the victim of a narcissist your health is compromised), but that was not the whole story.
I am increasingly aware of the long term impact of my relationship with my ex covert narc. There was a time that I thought I could put it aside and move on. (i.e. this winter) I now realize that will never be the case. What I went through with him is part of my being, imprinted on my body and soul, woven into everything I do, think and say.
When we first separated after 24 years together, I was devastated, unable to function He happily moved in with his new GF. This reinforced the message I’d been drowning in for 24 years – there was something inherently wrong with me, and something inherently right with him. My therapist shared the following poem with me, and I kept it on my night stand and read it every night.
If you can’t see it, the “hidden” message says “he’s ok because he lied”.
I had put this away in a drawer, thinking I was done with it. I now see that I will never be “done”; this will be a process for the rest of my life. It is important for me to continue reading new works and articles, and to share my story. This work is as important as exercise, or eating vegetables every day. It is simply a daily necessity. And honestly, how awesome is it to read and remind yourself of how far you’ve come?
Today I’m sharing the article below. I had asked the question “why do narcissists repeat the same thing over and over”. This was in reference to someone I currently work with, but as I read the answers I was reminded of the hell I’ve endured, and how proud I am to be here today, able to function, and walk, and engage with others, and go through entire days during which I am happy. Who saw that coming?? Not Me!
This is informative, easy to digest and easy to read, and I highly recommend it.
I hope today you catch yourself smiling.