Shame sleeps through my body, coating every inch of me, like the remnants of melted ice cream in a child's hand, sticky and relentless Every word, every glance, every movement caught from the corner of my eye, reminds me that I am lacking; I am not enough; I am all the things I tried not … Continue reading Shame
Wake Up Gurl!
Realizations
Stories Become History
As a teen my family spent hours in family therapy. I was the focus, as I was the "problem". I was the 1st of my siblings to fall apart, calling attention to our family. As I deteriorated, we were all forced into increasingly awkward hourly sessions, during which my parents recounted my transgressions and called … Continue reading Stories Become History
Childhood Scripts
I recently went through an eye opening experience. After chemotherapy I fell often. I fell on stairs, the treadmill, the hallway; anywhere I walked I had the potential to fall. I assumed it was the result of neuropathy in my feet, and accepted that this was a side effect I would live with. After a … Continue reading Childhood Scripts
Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
If you are connected to a narcissist, you probably wrestle with your shadow self. Some aspects of our shadow self are survival instincts no longer necessary to survive. The most toxic parts of our shadow self though come from parents. If you were raised by a narcissist or other disordered person, you have been … Continue reading Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
Mother!
If you'd like to watch how life with a narcissists goes, watch the movie Mother! It is difficult to watch because it is so crazy, but it a great representation of how, and why, someone can be trapped by a narcissist. Happy Labor Day weekend!
Love & Kindness – All That Really Matter
My brother and his wife adopted a 2 year old girl from Russia 16 years ago. She has been both a joy and a nightmare, often within a single day. Currently she is leaning towards nightmare, and my brother and his wife spend every day afraid for her. I spent time with them all yesterday and … Continue reading Love & Kindness – All That Really Matter
White Privelage
For years my parents have told the following story. In 1958 they were newlyweds, my father worked for the navy and my mother was pregnant with her first child. After settling into an apartment they looked for a church, and they picked the one closest to their apartment. They attended every Sunday and, after their … Continue reading White Privelage
The Tractor
Him He pulled up to the house in his Cadillac. He parked it on the street and checked the carport to make sure she wasn’t home. He caressed the car as he left it, filled with pride that it was his, reveling in the fact that while she would have fought against its purchase, she … Continue reading The Tractor
Lies, Misrepresentation, and General Run Around
I am on medicare, and I have a number of health conditions, each requiring brand name medications. I pay $83.90/month for additional prescription coverage. I won't go into the details of medicare, except to say that when they have paid a certain amount, you enter what they call the "coverage gap". At this point you … Continue reading Lies, Misrepresentation, and General Run Around
Transitions
Yoga is often an allegory for life. Such is the case for me right now. After my cast came off , I graduated to a sling type contraption. I was finally able to put weight on my foot and, after about three weeks, it was feeling really good. I decided it was time to head … Continue reading Transitions
Groomed but Escaped 