I’ve read so many articles stating that if you are divorcing a narcissist, just cut your losses and walk away.  Every single author says the same thing:  you are fighting a losing battle, you will never win, and you will walk away financially bankrupt if you try to fight him.  I agree with all of this, but at this point I’m concerned that if I don’t put up a fight, I’ll be bankrupting my soul.

I already know my finances are in ruins, he will always make sure he’s fine financially, regardless of the price his children and I pay.  I’ve accepted that my standard of living is and always will be severely limited, so in my mind, the only question is what do I have to do to restore my sanity?  What do I have to do to regain my soul? Giving up, cutting my losses, walking away with what little I have now –  those are all the things I’ve been doing the past 25 years, and look where they got me!

For 25 years I’ve been held captive by Doubt and Fear.

 

Doubt is the narcissist greatest weapon.  Just when you think you’ve figured things out,  just when you’ve decided that you are in a terrible relationship, once it starts to dawn on you that he might actually be a bad guy, he gives you a gift, or some special recognition, or something you’ve been asking for.  Completely unsolicited, you have no choice but to wonder:  am I wrong?  I must be.  Look at the great thing he just  did.  There’s the hook:  A  dose of doubt that pulls you back in line.

Once you’re bogged down by doubt, they give you a healthy dose of Fear.  The veiled threat that they won’t give you money for groceries, the suggestion that perhaps they will carry through with the plan you have vehemently opposed, or the failure to come home for dinner.  This stuff is deliberate, engaged in to keep you off balance, and it’s highly successful.

 

Doubt & Fear:  2 of my most paralyzing triggers.

I need to disable these triggers, and I can’t do that if I just walk away.

I am in a fight for my soul. 

It’s not about the house or the retirement fund, it’s about my Soul.

 I’m going to fight till I win it back.