When my spouse 1st left me and gave me his proposal for support and division of property, I was horrified. It was so clear that his intent was to walk away and wash his hands of responsibility for me and his children. It was such a horrible offer, I didn’t even consider it. How stupid I’ve been.
We were together for over 25 years and in that time there were 3 things I learned about him:
- He will get what he wants, regardless of how it impacts those around him.
- He will do whatever he has to do to get what he wants, including chewing off his own paw
- He is a liar. At all times.
My 1st reaction was to fight him, and those close to me saw what he was doing and encouraged me to do so. Here’s the thing though: I know him. I know that there is not a shred of decency in him. I know that he conniving, scheming and cold. I know he feels nothing, except occasional frustration when he doesn’t get what he wants. I also know how well he lies. In fact, I’ve yet to figure out what his “tell” is. I know when he’s lying but I don’t know how I know, and I can never prove it.
Now that we have a date in front of a Master he suddenly has an offer on our business. It’s a terrible offer, and any normal person would be mortified that 20 years of work netted such a small amount, but he is not a normal person. He is the person who would sell our business, then get a job at McDonald’s so he can’t pay support.
When we 1st starting “dating” (i.e. when he fist starting love bombing me because his wife no longer fulfilled his needs) he told me that he doesn’t care what others think of him. I took this with a grain of salt. What person cares nothing about what others think of him? It is true though. He is so engrossed in portraying himself the perpetual victim, working at McDonald’s would fit right in to his story, wouldn’t it?
My son is 3 weeks away from starting 9th grade and if my stbx sells the business and takes a shit job, my son and I can’t afford to stay in our school district. He though, is already established in our school district, living with his GF, and I wouldn’t put it past him to go to a judge and say “he should live with me so he can stay in his school district”, at which point not only would lose my son, part of my disability would go to him. And here’s the thing: I watched him do this to his 1st wife. In fact, I aided and abetted him! I helped him back her into a corner so she had no option but to walk away, without her child. So perhaps there is such a thing as Karma, and I am getting it in spades.
And all I can think is this: I knew he was a bad guy. I knew him for 6 months before he set his sights on me, and I knew that he was a bad guy. I watched what he did to his wife and I knew it was bad. I’ve stayed with him through all his lies, and cheating, and self-serving bullshit and I KNEW. Did I know what his diagnosis was? No. But I knew he was a really, really bad guy, who made everyone around him think he was great. Did I understand how evil he is? No. But I should have.
What on earth was I thinking, imagining I could walk away from this somewhat intact????? How can a person protect themselves against someone who has no feelings of remorse, views himself as a victim and cares nothing about what people think of him? AND, has a new GF to support him?
What was I thinking. I knew better.