Tonight I have the "honor" of hosting my uncle, the King of Overt Narcissists (KOON). He has cancer and is getting a 3rd opinion at a hospital near me, so he is spending the night at my house and I'll take him to his appointment in the morning. I was asked to do this … Continue reading Boundaries are Afoot
awakening
What Was I Thinking?
When my spouse 1st left me and gave me his proposal for support and division of property, I was horrified. It was so clear that his intent was to walk away and wash his hands of responsibility for me and his children. It was such a horrible offer, I didn't even consider it. How stupid … Continue reading What Was I Thinking?
Are We Our Stuff?
I've spent the last 2 years selling, giving away and trashing most of my "stuff", and it feels great! I love how empty my house looks, I love the freedom I have now that I don't have to take care of so many things, and I love feeling unencumbered. I am still very tied down, … Continue reading Are We Our Stuff?
My Stupid Inner Critic
At therapy this week my therapist said "we have to get rid of that inner critic, always putting you down" and the 1st thought that popped into my head was "I know. I'm so stupid for doing that". What a predicament! How can I get rid of the voice that constantly criticizes me, when I'm … Continue reading My Stupid Inner Critic
Personality Traits: Both Good & Bad
The Real Me - I've been trying to figure out who I am. I was the bad seed in my family; the one who didn't quite fit but gave others a great laugh (not with, but at). I've worked hard all of my life to not be who I am, and now that I'd … Continue reading Personality Traits: Both Good & Bad
Mt. Everest
I've been writing about my recovery (much more than what I've posted) and it dawned on me that this Trek we are on, recovering from narcissistic abuse, might be similar to submitting Mt. Everest. Once the idea occurred to me I started reading up on Everest and I am stunned by much of what I … Continue reading Mt. Everest
Life Is Not Fair
Remember when we were kids and when we complained "life's not fair"? We'd hear "life's not fair, then you die". Turns out this is not a good thing to say to a child who's mother has cancer. I've said it a few times to my 14 year old, and I finally looked as … Continue reading Life Is Not Fair
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
Future Events Appearing Real
FEAR Future Events Appearing Real When my ex first left I was terrified. He'd spent over 20 years putting me down in a way I didn't understand. When he left I felt helpless and doomed. As has been the case in my adult years, my parents showed up. My father, who I've never … Continue reading Future Events Appearing Real
Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Even my cat's love was an illusion. I always wanted a kitten, but the rest of my family said no. They were dog people. The summer before 5th grade a friend of mine had kittens (actually, her cat had kittens) and I yearned for one of them, but the family consensus was no. I left … Continue reading Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Groomed but Escaped 