I recently went through an eye opening experience. After chemotherapy I fell often. I fell on stairs, the treadmill, the hallway; anywhere I walked I had the potential to fall. I assumed it was the result of neuropathy in my feet, and accepted that this was a side effect I would live with. After a … Continue reading Childhood Scripts
Words and Narcissistic Abuse
I didn't understand the power of words until I started recovering from narcissistic abuse. My therapist started dissecting my language, and slowly I learned how toxic the narc (and other disordered people) are in their use of language. I had put this issue aside until a co-worker started going through the separation/divorce process. She started … Continue reading Words and Narcissistic Abuse
Shame
Shame sleeps through my body, coating every inch of me, like the remnants of melted ice cream in a child's hand, sticky and relentless Every word, every glance, every movement caught from the corner of my eye, reminds me that I am lacking; I am not enough; I am all the things I tried not … Continue reading Shame
Gaslighting
The term Gaslighting appears often these days. I recently read an article titled "Employers Gaslight Employees to Return to Office". The title left me with a knot in my gut. As we recover from Covid shutdowns, employers are anxious to have employees return to the office, but gaslighting them? Clearly this was written by someone … Continue reading Gaslighting
Stories Become History
As a teen my family spent hours in family therapy. I was the focus, as I was the "problem". I was the 1st of my siblings to fall apart, calling attention to our family. As I deteriorated, we were all forced into increasingly awkward hourly sessions, during which my parents recounted my transgressions and called … Continue reading Stories Become History
Is Seven Years Enough?
Yesterday was my middle son's birthday. He was with his dad. He was there an unusually long time, and he came home very excited; again, unusual. He showed me a flash drive that his dad had given him. Apparently his dad had a video camera from the early years of our marriage, and he'd moved … Continue reading Is Seven Years Enough?
Divorcing a Narcissist: The Aftermath
In the US we are currently witnessing a narcissistic, powerful, wealthy man lose his status. Many have wondered if his young wife will divorce him. My children were laughing about how well off she'd be if she did divorce him. Having divorced a narcissist, I'm very aware of the price we pay, and the actual … Continue reading Divorcing a Narcissist: The Aftermath
Snarling Teenage Boys
I am on the last of 4 teenage boys. I learned early on that boys require a special sort of patience, because they bring with them a level of hostility unrivaled by the angriest of all creatures. This morning was a perfect example. As I was dropping my 18 year old off at school … Continue reading Snarling Teenage Boys
The Practice of Medicine
A few weeks ago I had a seizure. I was sitting in my kitchen with my 17 year old son, working on his college applications. The next thing I knew there were strange men trying to kidnap me (paramedics) and, when I was finally full aware, I was sitting in an ambulance on my way … Continue reading The Practice of Medicine
Triggers
Triggers are unique to each individual, everyone has them, and they sometimes come out of the blue. I learned this the hard way this week. My work environment has been understaffed and, towards the end of the summer, we finally brought on board 3 new staff members. Honestly, I was disappointed when I met … Continue reading Triggers
The Narcissistic Mother
How easy it is to forget how bad things were once we're on our way to recovery. I did just that - forgot that while I've come to love my mother, she will never be an empathetic person. It happened this weekend. My brother has not spoken to either parent for over 3 years … Continue reading The Narcissistic Mother
Groomed but Escaped 