(background info- my brothers beach house is next door to my mothers, and there is constant competition about who is staying with her, and she gets pretty crazy when I stay with my brother, which I do most often because, well...she's sort of crazy) Five years later there are still times I can't breathe. … Continue reading The Permanence Of Heartbreak
Survivors Guilt
One more lost........one more young, vibrant, involved, lovely girl, lost to Ovarian Cancer. She is one of - I've lost count of the number we've lost this year. Women who have worked so hard to fight not just for themselves but for all of us. For all Women. These are girls who have started major … Continue reading Survivors Guilt
Divorcing a Narcissist – Ultimate Cluster***k
This is for one of my BFF's, who is taking the initial steps towards divorcing her narc. HANG IN THERE! Remember when I brought enough alcohol for 3 of us to the ball field, then drank it all myself and your son had to drive me home? Remember me crying when he stopped … Continue reading Divorcing a Narcissist – Ultimate Cluster***k
Going Gray with Narcissists/Toxic People
Going gray is considered the best, perhaps only way, to deal with narcissists and other toxic people. This is easy if you are completely breaking ties with someone you can walk away from. But what about the people in your life you can't escape? Two summers ago I had a major altercation with my … Continue reading Going Gray with Narcissists/Toxic People
Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
If you are connected to a narcissist, you probably wrestle with your shadow self. Some aspects of our shadow self are survival instincts no longer necessary to survive. The most toxic parts of our shadow self though come from parents. If you were raised by a narcissist or other disordered person, you have been … Continue reading Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
The Narcissistic Father
I thought I would feel vindicated when my children finally figured out their narcissistic father. Instead, I just feel sad. The younger two have known for a while who and what their dad is. Not much has changed for them. My eldest is the one I've worried about. My ex always spent the most … Continue reading The Narcissistic Father
Words and Narcissistic Abuse
I didn't understand the power of words until I started recovering from narcissistic abuse. My therapist started dissecting my language, and slowly I learned how toxic the narc (and other disordered people) are in their use of language. I had put this issue aside until a co-worker started going through the separation/divorce process. She started … Continue reading Words and Narcissistic Abuse
Revenge
It took about 1 year for me to realize I had been married to, and was now divorcing, a covert narcissist. Memories flooded back. I had a hard time figuring out where to put the feelings, heartbreak and regret; hence this blog. At one point I wrote The Tractor. It was partially autobiographical but mostly … Continue reading Revenge
Rage
(see update at bottom) I grew up with people subject to rage, and then married a man who did the same thing. Here's the thing about rage: it's all about control. Rage is not an expression of anger, it is a show put on by a disordered person, designed to flip the script; to … Continue reading Rage
Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
I have a good friend with whom I share many of my inner most thoughts, pretty or not. One of these thoughts was the idea that I wanted to "win" my divorce. I've decided (hopefully) that this is a very human, not at all unusual thought, especially among those who have been abused. It was … Continue reading Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
