This is for one of my BFF’s, who is taking the initial steps towards divorcing her narc.

 

HANG IN THERE!

 

Remember when I brought enough alcohol for 3 of us to the ball field, then drank it all myself and your son had to drive me home?

Remember me crying when he stopped paying the mortgage and I had no idea how to pay that and heat the damned place?

Remember how I used to put a baseball bat next to my bed and set up an alarm system at the door just in case…..

Remember how angry I was at the new girl who seemed to be getting everything.

Remember how often I said “what do people think?  do they actually believe what he is telling them?”

Remember the rage I felt as I packed up (or broke) his shit?

Look at me now.  My life is far from perfect but DAMN – if I’d known it could be this much better……..well I probably would have done nothing differently, but I’m so grateful to be done!

 

I still drink but haven’t needed a driver in a long time!

I know I can pay my bills, because I can control expenses.  I’m not rich but being in control makes all the difference.

I no longer sleep with a baseball bat and alarm system.

I am very clear about what she is getting, and I’m sure she is already starting to regret her actions.

I no longer give a shit what people believe.  They will figure it out, if they haven’t already.  And if they don’t, it is unfortunate for them, not me.

Here is how to manage this.

Remember when I was in chemo?  I color coded my calendar.  Red weeks were the 1st week in a cycle, and I knew I would spend that week in bed.  Yellow weeks were the 2nd treatment in a cycle, and I knew I could get out of bed a little bit.  Green weeks were the weeks without treatment and  I would plan something fun.  Crossing off each red and yellow day helped me put the whole experience into manageable chunks.

You can’t do this with divorce, because it is not this predictable.  What you can do is keep the premise in your head.  You will have red weeks, yellow weeks and green weeks.  Maybe coloring each day after the fact will give you a visual of hope?

Remember this:

Each week ends.

Each week ends. 

Each week ends.

You will get through this – I promise.  I love you.