When my ex was divorcing his 1st wife, and in the years that followed since they have a child together, she would write to him and always say Hi X, blah, blah, blah. Hope all is well. Thanks, Y.
Generally, these letter would involve an issue, because the only time she would write would be when there was an issue.
He would show me these letters and say “see. look how she says Hi and hope things are well and thanks. What a bitch”, or whatever horrendous adjective or accusation he decided to use that day.
Where’s the funny part you ask? The funny part is that I Believed It. I believed that in using common place manners, she was messing with him. I bought that attempts at civility on her part were crazy manipulations, designed to divert his attention from the fact that she was actually trying to screw him. Hook, line and sinker, I bought it.
Now, he and I have to write about once a week to discuss issues. Things like the business taxes, or what he wants to do about Easter, or why he can’t take his son the one night a week he’s supposed to because he’ll be in Jamaica with the new girl. When he writes to me he says: Z, blah blah blah. X. There is no hello, no thank you, no hope all is well; nothing. No attempt, at all, at any type of civility. It usually takes him a few days to respond to something, and I suspect it because he’s trying to figure out how to answer with the least number of words possible.
Now, as I write to him and always say Hi X……..Thanks, Z, and I realize – she wasn’t fucking with him. She was trying to maintain her composure and her sanity. She was polite because people are supposed to be polite. He was, and still is, the impolite ass. Not her.
Of course, there’s nothing really funny about this. I was so desperate to believe he was my “soul mate”, the “real deal”, that I bought his accusation that her manners were evidence of her diabolical intent. After living all of these years in such a warped reality, I can’t figure out what is real anymore. Honestly, I’m too tired to try.
I’m going back to bed and to my binge watching of the Gillmore Girls. I’m not sure what I’ll do when that’s over.
PS: I am starting to suspect that his claim that she was going to Betty Broderick us (i.e. break in our home in the middle of the night and shoot us in bed) might have been false also. Thoughts?