The Crowd Cried

Yes, this is what happened at my ex’s wedding last night.  According to my son.   My son left as soon as the “wedding” was over, because he felt ridiculous watching all these people cry.  I haven’t got the courage to ask him who was crying, because so many of my ex family in law was there and lord knows, they didn’t cry at my wedding to him.  Hmmm.

Rather than cry for no tangible reason I am now watching Love Actually.  This way I have a legitimate reason to cry.

I know none of this is true, but if my brain were a ticker tape, this is what you’d be seeing:

You are a bitch  He’s finally found his true love  Everyone knows what a loser you are You will never love anyone, you don’t deserve it  You were wrong, wrong wrong, all the time  Stupid, selfish, crazy bitch.

Other than that, all happy thoughts running through my head!

So my first Christmas in my new place, the Christmas I thought would be really, really happy, is marred by my ex-narc, and the complex feelings I just haven’t quite mastered.  I can’t believe that almost 4 years later I’m still susceptible to such deep pain.

Is there a formula?  Like 1 year of pain for each 3 years of marital hell?  If so, I hope I’m on the better side of recovery.


6 thoughts on “The Crowd Cried

  1. Maybe they’re crying because they realize she’s marrying a jackass narcissist. And that makes them sad.

    Seriously, though, I’m sorry. I’m still waiting for my divorce to be finalized (going on 2 1/2 years now!) and I know CF and Harley will marry within six months of it being final. I wouldn’t be surprised if they do it the first chance they get. That’s just what their kind does. They can’t stand to be alone and if they get married then they’re just showing everyone that what they did wasn’t wrong because it was “true love”!

    Stay strong! He’s her problem now.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve always heard that it takes half as long as you were together…to “get over it.”
    I’ve only got 29 more years.
    I would take pleasure in exactly what he “settled” for.
    Like water…tramps seek their own level.


  3. When you are married to a selfish sob they take up all the real estate in your brain. It takes some time for that property to become yours again. It will. The good news/bad news is that he is someone else’s problem/he is not going to change. The honeymoon stage will end. It always does, without exception, and there he will be, his same old self.

    Liked by 1 person

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