If you’ve been following me you know I’m trying to divorce a covert narcissist, with whom I own a restaurant. We had a hearing with a Master and the Masters recommendation, while totally screwing me over, was enough for me to attempt another negotiation. So I sent an offer, in line with what the Master recommended.
Today I got word that he has “agreed” to my recommendation if I accept ownership, liability & proceeds of our house, and relinquish my business rights to him. It’s laughable really. I think he believes that I am still the stupid, beaten down housewife he left 2 1/2 years ago. If I assume “liabilities” for the house I am agreeing to pay the $50,000 line of credit he’s run up. This is how cocky he has really become. I’ve repeatedly asked for proof that the line of credit was used for my family expenses. Last week I got his credit card statements that have been paid out of the line of credit. Guess what’s on them? His dinners, outings, vacations and other expenses with his GF!
After 2.5 years I am finally feeling clear. I’m starting to trust my intuition again. I’m also starting to interpret everything he says in terms of how he is trying to screw me, because that it what he is always trying to do. It’s amazing, as I see it clearly: it is a game to him. He doesn’t care how this plays out financially, he only cares that he’s proven himself a superior game player. It makes not difference to him how much he owes, all that matters is that can say he “won”, he “beat me”, he got me to do things his way.
The best part about all of this is that I am finally understanding: what ever made me think I was the problem in our relationship? Yes, I have some quirks & weaknesses, but essentially I’m a good person. He though, is not. He is a selfish, manipulative, cunning asshole, who cares only about himself.
Here’s my advice to anyone else involved with a covert narcissist: Wait Him Out. You might not “win”, but you will reclaim your soul. In the end, that’s all that matters.
Groomed but Escaped 
Yes! Stand your ground. He’s used to getting his way and you’re not letting him get away with that anymore. Good for you.
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I was the person in our “marriage” who always just shut up. After Loser acquired his last tramp, I finally stood up and roared. I waited him out. I had a firm grip on what I wanted and I stood firm. I could have probably come out better but the best part of it all….he had to give up the one thing that meant more to him that that trash….HIS MONEY.
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Yes- I hated the suspicious, cynical person that I had to become to finally see and understand what he was doing. It’s hard to accept the fact that someone who ‘ loved’ me would ever be so devious. As you say though, they’ve so arrogant, they’ve not actually intelligent. I wish you luck- I hope there is some sort of justice. Now that I’m back in the real world, I’ve found that MOST people are in fact kind and trustworthy. But my radar is still watching out for the few.
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I divorced a narcissist who seemed charming for years. Everyone loved him, and I thought everything must be my fault. Now I’m five years out, and I can see him and his motives clearly at last. I truly believe that you have to wait them out and let yourself heal.
I don’t think I could have fully understood all of this at 2.5 years out though, so congrats. Sounds like you’re ahead of the game – and good luck with the negotiations. I really believe that if you give one inch to a NPD, he will take a yard. Good luck!
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