If you’ve been following me you know I’m trying to divorce a covert narcissist, with whom I own a restaurant. We had a hearing with a Master and the Masters recommendation, while totally screwing me over, was enough for me to attempt another negotiation. So I sent an offer, in line with what the Master recommended.
Today I got word that he has “agreed” to my recommendation if I accept ownership, liability & proceeds of our house, and relinquish my business rights to him. It’s laughable really. I think he believes that I am still the stupid, beaten down housewife he left 2 1/2 years ago. If I assume “liabilities” for the house I am agreeing to pay the $50,000 line of credit he’s run up. This is how cocky he has really become. I’ve repeatedly asked for proof that the line of credit was used for my family expenses. Last week I got his credit card statements that have been paid out of the line of credit. Guess what’s on them? His dinners, outings, vacations and other expenses with his GF!
After 2.5 years I am finally feeling clear. I’m starting to trust my intuition again. I’m also starting to interpret everything he says in terms of how he is trying to screw me, because that it what he is always trying to do. It’s amazing, as I see it clearly: it is a game to him. He doesn’t care how this plays out financially, he only cares that he’s proven himself a superior game player. It makes not difference to him how much he owes, all that matters is that can say he “won”, he “beat me”, he got me to do things his way.
The best part about all of this is that I am finally understanding: what ever made me think I was the problem in our relationship? Yes, I have some quirks & weaknesses, but essentially I’m a good person. He though, is not. He is a selfish, manipulative, cunning asshole, who cares only about himself.
Here’s my advice to anyone else involved with a covert narcissist: Wait Him Out. You might not “win”, but you will reclaim your soul. In the end, that’s all that matters.