Isolation = the narcissists greatest weapon
The narcissist slowly separates you from all the people you once knew. Zooming in on your natural ambivalence towards your family and friends, the narcissist highlights the negatives of all around you; becomes your “protector” against them. If that isn’t enough, he stands between you and who ever you’ve held onto, and forces you to choose, him or her. The price you pay for choosing her is too high, so you choose him.
One day you wake up alone. You lay in bed wondering what happened. You used to have friends, family, acquaintances. You used to go out, participate, enjoy, even entertain. You used to talk freely about your life: successes and challenges.
You are alone in a way no one can see. Only you know that you are hiding behind the wall erected by your narcissist, peeking through the window only when allowed, escaping the wall only when given permission.
I was thinking about geese last night. They fly in a V for many reasons, the most important of which is to ease the burden of the flock. Taking turns in the lead, each gets a chance to rest when tired, lead when energized.
Did you know that if a goose drops out of formation, 2 go with him? The 3 stay together until the 1st is ready to fly again. When that happens all 3 join a new flock. Nature at it’s finest.
It wasn’t until I dropped out of my life, my marriage, that I saw those who had joined me. They stayed with me, giving me the courage and strength to take the wall down. Each brick I took out allowed another in and, when the wall was gone, I found myself surrounded by a flock, a community of people ready to help me fly.
It took cancer for me to drop out. What will it take for you?
I used to feel alone. Life was exhausting. Unforgiving. Unfulfilling. I dropped out of formation.
Lo and behold, several came with me. And stayed. Until I was ready to fly again.
I joined a new flock, and the numbers grew. And grew. Life was easier. I was never alone. Life became fulfilling and forgiving.
Now I sometimes take the lead.
Now, I know that if I drop out, others will come with me; protect me until I’m ready again, to face life.
Today my Flock is with me always, ready to ease my load when I’m tired, let me lead when I’m not.
I am grateful I survived long enough to find My Tribe, My Flock, My Community.
It’s all about the People.