My favorite blogger is ChumpLady. She has turned calling bullshit on cheaters into an art form. Naturally, when she put out the call for Valentine Poems to our cheaters, I had to comply. I had so much fun writing this I thought I’d share. Enjoy!
Your face was so sad when you first came to see me
Your wife, so it seems, was not light and breezy.
She’d been a “mistake” you knew from the start,
she spent you to death, and then broke your heart.
I saw you so clearly you poor, suffering man,
and I vowed to be yours with all that I am.
And in three short, short years I bore you two sons
I left my career; staying home was no fun.
Then lo and behold it became so apparent
That wife number 1 was not really a tyrant.
And slowly but surely I took her place
and ruined your life, you said to my face.
And now wife number 3 is well on her way,
she’s dreaming about her own special day.
So proud to have a man like you,
who certainly, for her, will always be true.
Now I sit back and snicker when I think of your face
when wife number 3 falls out of your grace.
Perhaps I should warn her that you taking vows
will never stop you from going on the prowl.
Perhaps I should warn her how quickly you stray,
that your tiny little dick will just find a way.
You will cheat and you’ll lie, and steal from her too
just like you did with Wives numbers 1 and 2.
Instead I’ll just watch and ponder the reason
that you cheat all the time, no matter the season.
And someday all those who believed you were the victim
will realize instead you are simply a chicken.
Alone you will be, broke, scared, and all withered
reaching out to all 3 “please take me, come hither”.
“Take me back you will plead”, you sad little man
but by then will remain not one single fan.
So cry not for me as you read this poem
Instead think of him and his wrinkled old scrotum.
Cause revenge is all mine and I plan to take it
for you, cheating asshole, are plainly a shit.