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Apparently, this is confusing to some people.  Some seem to believe it is done with their middle finger, not their turn signal.  This is Wrong.

Which leads me to further evidence of my recovery.

Yesterday I was in a parking lot and I spied a spot, so I headed over to it.  As I approached it there was a car coming the other way.  She did not have on her turn signal, so I wasn’t sure if she was intending to park there, or if she was leaving.  In the past  my Human DoorMat Syndrome (HDMS)would have kicked in and I would have driven past the spot, just in case.  Yesterday, I did not.  I pulled into the spot.

I could see in my peripheral vision that she had not moved.  When I looked at her, she was sitting there giving me the finger, refusing to move her car until I acknowledged her.  I gave her a wave and went about my day.  I don’t think that was the response she was looking for.

I admit, I was a bit nervous that my tires might be slashed when I came out of the store; they were not.   She might have keyed my car, but there’s no way to know, given how banged up it is.

It felt really good.  It felt good to put my needs ahead of hers, it felt good not to give her the finger back, and it felt good to not feel that knot in the pit of my stomach that I usually feel when someone is angry with me.  And yes, even a total stranger could invoke that knot.  After the knot comes the fog that envelopes my brain, making it impossible for me discern the validity of my response, so I stayed mired in my feelings of fear and disgrace.  It kind of sucked!

I don’t think I’m completely recovered from my HDMS, but I’m definitely getting there, and I think that EMDR has been invaluable to my recovery.  EMDR is the only thing that has ever lifted that veil of shame that I took with me everywhere I went.  Without the cloak of shame I’m able to see situations more clearly; to understand what, if any, blame I deserve.  In this situation, I deserved no blame.

So remember folks, it is the turn signal, not the middle finger, that claims a parking spot.

Just saying.

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