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I think that climbing Mt. Everest is comparable to recovering from narcissistic abuse.  For example:

  • Mt Everest – requires Sherpas    Narcissistic abuse recovery  (NAR)requires therapists, body workers, spiritual leaders & more
  • Mt Everest requires attention to your body, before, during and after.   NAR requires attention to your body before, during and after.
  • Mt Everest has numerous steps, plateaus called base camps, each representing a possible level that can derail a trek.
  • NAR recovery has innumerable steps, plateaus, and levels that can stop your recovery.
  • Mt. Everest’s summit is not the end of the trek.  Making it down the mountain is as treacherous as going up.
  • NAR recovery ……. I’m not sure it ever ends.

The past 6 months have been, for the most part, my summit.  I’m in my new home, I’ve made it through my 1st set of holidays in my new house, I took, and survived, the trip of a lifetime,  I’m killing it in my job and I’m starting to get my yoga practice back together.

I’m starting to think I will never make it past the summit.  The minute I reach the summit I fall down.  Literally.  Twice, in the past 3 months I’ve fallen down the same stairs.  The 1st time, a month before my trip, I got off easy.  Yes, I had pain and bruising, but nothing was broken.  Nonetheless, it had a tremendously negative impact on my trip.  A yoga/surfing/service trip is unfulfilling when you have a sore foot.

This time I really did it.  As soon as I hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs I knew I was in big trouble.    I made a feeble attempt to find someone to take me to the ER, but I knew I needed 911.  I knew there was no way I could put weight on my foot, and I was really afraid that I’d done something really bad to my back.

I sit now with a broken heel.  It requires 4 weeks of no weight bearing (i.e. can’t even rest the cast on the floor to maintain my balance) and back pain that just won’t let up.  I’m told the back pain is spasms but quite frankly, I’ve had so many x-rays and scans misread, and I am in so much pain, I doubt this is true.  My main fear is that my cancer has metastasized to my spine, and by the time the Dr’s figure it out it will be too late.   Do you think that compares to the climber who has some difficulty submitting yet reaches the summit, unable to enjoy his accomplishment because he fears he will run out of oxygen?

The worst part of all of this though is the idea that my ex, who spent last week on a ski trip in Vale with his new bride, was right to leave me.  Look at what a mess I am.  Who in their right mind would want to be tied down by me?  I don’t want to be tied down by me! I’m kind of sick of me.

So no good news today.  Today I am a sherpaless, oxygen starved climber, stuck at base camp, too stubborn to go back down and too sick to head up.  Floating in nowhere land, while everyone around me comes and goes, of their own volition, choosing up or down, sucess or surrender.

Fortunately the sun has set, so I can now retreat to my bedroom.  The bedroom I insisted on painting by myself, which may be what led to my fall.  But I can now climb into bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.  Not that I’m counting on it………

 

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