Divorce By Numbers

Divorce in PA

Assuming you & your spouse are unable/unwilling to negotiate settlement terms, your next step will be going to a “Master”.  This is a lawyer who had been appointed by the court to review your case and state what they think the outcome will be if you go to trial.   If either party disagrees with the Master’s recommendation, off to court you go.

According to my attorney all that matters when determining alimony and child support in PA, at this point in the process, is numbers.  His income & my disability – that’s all that matters.

So I got to thinking about “numbers” and I’ve got a few of my own.

  • $40,000.   The amount of debt he had from his 1st marriage which I helped him pay off.
  • 5.   As in AM.  The time I got up every morning to exercise, get myself ready for work, get his kids ready for work, take them to day care and me to my full time job.
  • 5.  PM.  the time I’d leave work, pick up the kids, bring them home, cook them dinner, do homework, laundry, cleaning, baths & bedtime stories.
  • 10.  PM.  The time he’d arrive home and want sex.  90%.  The number of times I told him to piss off.
  • $5,000.  The inheritance I got from my grandmother that paid for our 1st house.
  • 8.  As in the number of days I spent in a hospital isolation room, fearing for my life.  2, the number of times he visited.  2,  the number of times he called me, 1 being to read me a review the restaurant had gotten.  0, the number of times he called my doctor to see how I was doing, or the number of times he asked me how I was doing.
  • $60,000.  The amount my penny pinching saved us, which was then used to open our first restaurant.
  • 3.  The number of business ventures I helped him open.
  • 31.  The age of his 1st affair during our marriage. (or 1st affair I was aware of)
  • 4.  The number of children I raised while he was off living his “dream” and enjoying his dalliances.
  • 8.  The # of receipts I found for 60 minute updates on his hidden tracfone.  2.  As in the ones he purchased on the day we had our 1st appointment with my surgeon/oncologist.
  • 3.  The number of times he cleaned a bathroom in our 25 years together.
  • 10?  the number of times he did/said something loving to me in private without wanting sex in exchange.
  • 30  The number of times he made major public displays of his “love” for me.
  • 5.  The number of sports he participated in on a regular basis.
  • 16.  The number of times he grocery shopped for me, with the list I prepared, for the meals I would prepare for our children, while I lay deathly ill.
  • 2.5  The average number of weeks it took for him to “forget” that he had promised to call or text me during the day, when I was housebound, to see if I needed anything.
  • Infinity.  The number of times he made and broke that promise.
  • 3.  The number of months since he’s paid the mortgage on our house.
  • 2.  The number of car loans he currently owes.  1 for his Cadillac, 1 for an unknown Chevy.  The GF’s perhaps.
  • 5.  The number of vacations he’s been on so far this year.
  • 0.  The Amount of time he’s been truely happy and at peace.

It is true:  money can’t buy happiness.  I know this because I have no money, but I’m pretty damn happy.

Tough lesson, but I got it.

2 thoughts on “Divorce By Numbers

  1. I wish I could be happy without money. I know that right now my biggest worry is how I’m going to afford to pay my bills and support my kids in anything even beginning to resemble their former life. If I were still receiving spousal and child support my life would be going just fine.

    I think what you wrote earlier is so true- the one with a conscience is the one who really gets screwed. The STBX has no qualms whatsoever about feigning PTSD so he can try to get out of paying support of any kind. I’m sure he’ll have no problem fighting me on everything I ask for as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’s cleared out his 401k so he doesn’t have to split it with me.


    • That’s what mine has done. He’s blown through the $ from the sale of our rentals, the business savings and I don’t even know what else. Unfortunately your kids have to learn their former life is over. Could be worse, right?
      Hang In!


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