Divorce Hell

Thursday I had a hearing with domestic relations to determine child support/temporary spousal support.  This is the 1st hearing my spouse and I have been in with our attorney’s, and I’ve been in bed since.

It is shocking how callous the players are in this process.  My attorney was appropriate, but his attorney and the hearing officer were just chatting away.  It was like a social event.  They were talking about the building renovations, how cold the office was, what was going on in the PA supreme court, etc.  The  whole time his attorney, who looks remarkably like Rainbow Randy (FB), kept trying to get my attorney to join in, which thankfully he didn’t.

I understand that they do this every day, but they are sitting there running numbers regarding the death of a marriage.  I doubt funeral directors carry on while running the cost of a funeral.    If they do, they won’t stay in business long.

In addition to the shocking behavior of the “professionals” the following happened:

  1.  The numbers were run with his salary at our business (minus all the perks) and with the salary he’s allegedly accepted at his new job.  With the business he’d be paying me $2300/month.  Since he’s selling the business he’ll be paying me $980/month.
  2. One moment his lawyer claimed he had to sell the restaurant because he’s too old to work like that.  (Which is interesting because he’s taking a job as a Catering Chef for a university.  Sounds remarkably similar.)  A few minutes later he claimed that I had forced the sale of the business.  What????
  3. His attorney announced they would be disputing my disability.  This is a ploy by my spouse, because he knows how humiliated I feel being on disability, and he knows I don’t want to talk about it, let alone “prove” I should be on it (which has already been done, ad nausuem).   If the threat of discussing this doesn’t make me back down, what on earth does he think he’ll gain?  I’m tempted to go off of disability.  What does he think would happen to those numbers then?
  4. As we’re signing the papers indicating the pittance he’ll be paying me, he and his attorney are discussing how wrong this is, and they will address it because clearly it’s wrong.


I used to work in human resources and often went to hearings with disgruntled employees.  I could no sooner imagine chattering about irrelevant things during the lulls in those hearings than I could kicking the complainant.   Who behaves like that?

Of course it is fabulous in terms of diversion.  His attorneys incessant chattering made it impossible for me and my attorney to discuss what was happening, and to voice rebuttals and/or our own accusations, but I don’t think it was meant as a diversionary tactic.  I think that the death of a 25 relationship is jut not important to him.  I think he is unfeeling psychopath, which is perfect for my spouse.

Our next hearing I’ll be ready for it.  I’ll tell him to zip it, unless he’s planning on paying my attorney’s bill.  (& I’ll call him Randy)   That doesn’t help me deal with my feelings around all of this.

I so wish I was a psychopath right now.  Having feelings makes me vulnerable, and confused, and afraid, and I hate it.  Which is just what he’s counting on.

I’m such an idiot.



2 thoughts on “Divorce Hell

  1. I’m sorry. That’s so shitty. I’m afraid that’s exactly what’s going to happen to me. My only advice would be to make it a modifiable agreement and then plan on taking his pathetic ass to court every two years or so. Is there any way to have it written in to the order that he needs to submit his tax returns or W-2s? God, the games they play make me sick!


  2. I’ve been in your spot, still am to some degree. Havent had an official “hearing” because I’ve desperately been trying to make him realize how much I still love him and been trying to win him back and fix our family. This caused so much pain for myself and my children. 3 months of laying in bed, unable or unwilling to do anything except feel sorry for myself. Ive shut everyone out. October was a turning point. Im forcing myself to be strong and do it for my kids. You gotta do the same. Cry, sleep, take long hot bubble baths but DONT let him win, DONT let him do this to you. Your much stronger than you think!


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