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One of the reasons we get hooked by the covert narc is that they take every Public Opportunity to be the Good Guy.  Everyone raves about what a great guy they are, because everything they do is  in public.

This week is the perfect example, and thank God,  I see it for what it is.  I no longer feel that I’m being petty questioning his motives; I’m 100% clear about his motives.  He’s playing Father of the Year because he’s got a visible platform; an opportunity to prove to others what a great dad he is.  It’s actually sad and pathetic that these are the only times he steps up – when others can see it.

My eldest is going on vacation with his girlfriend, and last week I said I’d drive them to the airport if they wanted.  I should have anticipated that the ex had already jumped on the opportunity.  This is a very visible moment to get props for being a great dad, right?

When I told my son I’d drive them I could see him tensing up, as he said “well, dad said he could do it too, so……”.  I said not  to worry, if his dad wanted to take them I was fine with that and he shouldn’t think twice about it.

Tonight he came home from his 1 night a week with his dad and said “dad really wants to drive us; you know how excited he gets about this kind of thing“.  I assured him that  I was fine with whatever happens, and he should do what his dad wants and not worry about me.

A year ago I would have been angry, confused, depressed…..a whole plethora of emotions.  Today, I get it.  This is a very public opportunity for the dad to be Father of the Year.  That’s why he gets so “excited” about this kind of thing.

Today I am sort of sad for him.  This is as good as it gets for him (the dad).  And, even while he’s publicly playing Father of the Year, I don’t think he feels it.  I think deep in that dark, black hole of a soul of his he knows that a trip to the airport doesn’t make him Father of the Year.

Father of the Year wouldn’t get “excited” about this, he would just do it.    I think it’s called Grandstanding?  How exhausting it must be for him.    How relieved I am to see it for what it is.

If there is a check list for this “journey”, if there are a certain number of events that have to happen in which I see clearly for the first time, I’ve just reached another.  I Get It.  He’s a covert narcissist, and I have no reason to doubt myself.

 

And, I don’t have to drive to the airport.  I’d call that a win!

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