One of the reasons we get hooked by the covert narc is that they take every Public Opportunity to be the Good Guy. Everyone raves about what a great guy they are, because everything they do is in public.
This week is the perfect example, and thank God, I see it for what it is. I no longer feel that I’m being petty questioning his motives; I’m 100% clear about his motives. He’s playing Father of the Year because he’s got a visible platform; an opportunity to prove to others what a great dad he is. It’s actually sad and pathetic that these are the only times he steps up – when others can see it.
My eldest is going on vacation with his girlfriend, and last week I said I’d drive them to the airport if they wanted. I should have anticipated that the ex had already jumped on the opportunity. This is a very visible moment to get props for being a great dad, right?
When I told my son I’d drive them I could see him tensing up, as he said “well, dad said he could do it too, so……”. I said not to worry, if his dad wanted to take them I was fine with that and he shouldn’t think twice about it.
Tonight he came home from his 1 night a week with his dad and said “dad really wants to drive us; you know how excited he gets about this kind of thing“. I assured him that I was fine with whatever happens, and he should do what his dad wants and not worry about me.
A year ago I would have been angry, confused, depressed…..a whole plethora of emotions. Today, I get it. This is a very public opportunity for the dad to be Father of the Year. That’s why he gets so “excited” about this kind of thing.
Today I am sort of sad for him. This is as good as it gets for him (the dad). And, even while he’s publicly playing Father of the Year, I don’t think he feels it. I think deep in that dark, black hole of a soul of his he knows that a trip to the airport doesn’t make him Father of the Year.
Father of the Year wouldn’t get “excited” about this, he would just do it. I think it’s called Grandstanding? How exhausting it must be for him. How relieved I am to see it for what it is.
If there is a check list for this “journey”, if there are a certain number of events that have to happen in which I see clearly for the first time, I’ve just reached another. I Get It. He’s a covert narcissist, and I have no reason to doubt myself.
And, I don’t have to drive to the airport. I’d call that a win!