Since I've been diagnosed with PSTD, and am about to embark on treatment specific to this issue, I feel compelled to research what this means. EMDR, the current treatment for PSTD, addresses the connections in the many components of our brain. I will be undergoing the same treatment as a soldier returning from war, … Continue reading The Paradox of Fear
recovery
Sidestepping the Pain
I don't want to write about pain anymore. Yes, I am in pain. Every time I think it's gone, it resurfaces, and I wallow. And I'm so, so tired of it! If the only way out is through it, I guess I won't get out, because I'm not going through it anymore. I'm going to … Continue reading Sidestepping the Pain
My Brain on Trauma
This is hard for me to write, hard for me to say, hard for me to admit. I am a perpetual victim. Of my own making. I knew I didn't handle stressful situations well, but I had no idea that I respond to situations like a victim. Before I tell you what happened, I … Continue reading My Brain on Trauma
Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
One of the major issues I had raising children with my narc was his inability to look at himself critically. As the Chosen One of a Narc, I am excessively good at looking at myself critically. Ask me, at any random point in any random day, and I will come up with 20 Major Flaws … Continue reading Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Congratulations! You have been chosen by a narcissist. I know what you're thinking: hmmm, doesn't seem like this is a Good Thing. Don't you usually congratulate someone for some type of achievement? A promotion, a new baby, a new home, a new degree - these are the types of things you typically gets Congrats … Continue reading Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Part of getting divorced is cutting expenses. As a result, I no longer have cable, which has led to Netflix binges. I've just finished the first season of the Gilmore Girls, which I had never watched before, but am completely taken by. When I first started watching I was very unsure of Lorelai. She seemed … Continue reading Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Enough
Remember the scene in Love Actually when Mark, who's in love with his best friends wife, Juliet, tells her, via signs, that he is moving on? As he walks away, he says "enough", and it is clear that he has turned the corner. He is done wallowing, he is over pining away for her. Today, … Continue reading Enough
Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
The largest blizzard I ever lived through was in 1996. I was 7 months pregnant, lived with my ex, our 3 year old, and my 7 year old step son. We lived in a twin on a block made up of other twins, most of which were filled with young children. It was a great … Continue reading Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
Toilet Seats & The Narcissist
As far as I can tell, there are 2 types of boys in the world: those that put the seat down and those who don't. My boys put the seat down, except in their own bathroom, when their girlfriends are not around. I take no credit for this. In fact, I think it is an … Continue reading Toilet Seats & The Narcissist
Petrification: Can I Break Out?
I've been trying to put into words what is happening to me right now, and I've been complete unsuccessful. Last week I realized that I feel dirty. My skin feels sullied, and I want to tear it off. At first I thought it was just my skin, and that if I could cure that … Continue reading Petrification: Can I Break Out?
Groomed but Escaped 