a person or group made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place. 'Thrown to the Wolves" Boundaries. Scapegoats. Abuse. How do I put these words together in a way that rings true to me? How do I get past the idea that I'm "bashing" family, "attacking people who did … Continue reading Scapegoats
fear
Flashbacks
I've been mired in a flashback because of issues in my home. I stumbled cross the guru of flashbacks, Pete Walker. His site is pete-walker.com and I highly recommend it. As a relative newby to all of this, I needed a source that really breaks down what a flashback is, why it occurs, how it … Continue reading Flashbacks
Healing a Bankrupted Soul
I've read so many articles stating that if you are divorcing a narcissist, just cut your losses and walk away. Every single author says the same thing: you are fighting a losing battle, you will never win, and you will walk away financially bankrupt if you try to fight him. I agree with all of … Continue reading Healing a Bankrupted Soul
Prince + Yoga
Do Prince and yoga seem like a good combination to you? Not to me. Never the less, I found myself signing up for a pop-up Prince Music Yoga class. I spent the entire day feeling confident I wouldn't actually go. I haven't listened to Prince since his '85 Purple Rain tour. I loved that album. … Continue reading Prince + Yoga
Breaking Up With My Oncologist
I've decided to ditch my oncologist (gyn/oc = gynecological oncologist). The protocol for high grade serous epithelial stage 3B ovarian cancer is 5 years of follow-ups. During those 5 year Dr's are supposed to see you every 3 months, draw a CA125 every 3 months and, if there is a rise in the CA 125 … Continue reading Breaking Up With My Oncologist
Life Is Not Fair
Remember when we were kids and when we complained "life's not fair"? We'd hear "life's not fair, then you die". Turns out this is not a good thing to say to a child who's mother has cancer. I've said it a few times to my 14 year old, and I finally looked as … Continue reading Life Is Not Fair
To Blog or Not To Blog
I can't decide if I want this blog to be successful or not. In fact, the day I had the most reads, I went into a panic. What if my ex reads this? What if my kids read this? What if my parents read this? What will they think? What will they say? How … Continue reading To Blog or Not To Blog
Fear of Discord
This sums up how I feel. Or rather, try not to feel. Avoid negative emotions at all cost. What I found most interesting is the idea that my brain, in an effort to survive, re-wired itself to be hyper-vigilant for signs of negativity in others, and to react to fix it. How to fix it … Continue reading Fear of Discord
Ovarian Cancer
https://www.statnews.com/2016/04/01/ovarian-cancer-failure/ Getting a cancer diagnosis is like being hit by a Mac truck. I got mine while walking my dog, at 4:30 on a lovely July afternoon. At that time I was worried about my 11 year old's baseball game, and my older sons education, when suddenly, BOOM. I had been having stomach pain … Continue reading Ovarian Cancer
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
Groomed but Escaped 