I need some lightening up so…..
A while back I wrote a blog about toilet seats & narcissists. My narc never put the seat down. When I complained he said “I think you should have to put it up for me“. When I pointed out that he wasn’t likely to fall in he responded……..with nothing – well, nothing related to toilet seats.
For many, many years I bought this. I wondered what was wrong with me that I picked on him for such a minor issue. After all, he worked hard to put food on the table, then came home and worked on home renovations. Shame on me.
Eventually I was 39 years old and 7 months pregnant with our 3rd (his 4th, the 4th I’d raise). In the middle of the night I awoke, I stumbled into the bathroom, uncomfortable and exhausted. Not wanting to wake him up, because he worked so hard and all, I didn’t turn on the light. And yes, you’ve guessed it – I fell into the toilet.
From that day on, while still unsure I had the “right” to request the toilet seat be replaced, I decided he would pay. Regardless of the time of night, whenever I went to the bathroom and found the seat up, I let it drop with a bang. Well, I’ll admit – sometimes it didn’t just “drop”. (actually, I’m surprised it didn’t break!)
Today someone read my original blog and sent me the following comment
Noooooooooo. Dude… You’re an ADULT. If you can’t LOOK
before going to relieve yourself, then I don’t know what to say.
I rarely respond to negative comments, but this one I did. I replied that I assumed he was a guy and if so, he was going to have a very unhappy woman on his hands.
One of the most interesting aspects of this discussion is this: I’ve raised 4 boys & here is a fact: they pee all over the place. I even watched one of my sons walk into the yard to pee, even though the bathroom was the same distance.
As the lone woman in a house full of males I know for a fact that I will suffer one of the following if I don’t check before sitting:
- I’ll fall in
- I’ll be sitting on a seat full of pee
I can’t help wondering: what type of person, boy or girl, thinks this is ok? And when I ask that question I’m not commenting on the occasional lapse, the rare occasions during which someone is distracted and honestly forgets. I’m talking about the day in, day out, lack of courteous bathroom behavior.
Is there a poll about this anywhere? Is it only women who believe this is necessary behavior from men/boys? Are mothers teaching their boys it is ok to leave the seat up, it is the girls responsibility to “look” first? Am I off-base here?
That was a rhetorical question, because I know I am not off-base. I know that what my narcissist ex did, in leaving the seat up, was passive aggressive behavior. It was his way of saying “I’m in charge here, and I’ll do whatever I want”. I also know that my boys, while struggling with their dads stance versus mine, eventually come to the same realization: it is their job to put the toilet seat down.
I wonder what would happen if all boys took my ex’s stance. What if they did, then one day all women said “screw you; if you can’t put the seat down you can’t have me” and walked away.
If my math is right, this would end the human race.
Boys, hear this: You can dick us over in the work place, paying us less than you make. You can treat us like shit in the media, making us feel like shit if we don’t wear a size 2. You can put drugs in our drinks and date rape us, or simply hold us down and rape us. You can treat us as inferior and claim we are dependent on you.
In the end though, you need us more than we need you. Because all we really need from you is sperm. And I’m guessing we have enough stock in sperm banks to ’86 you guys.
5 thoughts on “Toilet Seats”
Good stuff Murphy….
I have to say – as a male… When i began living on my own and cleaned the bathroom – i immediately decided that i would pee sitting down….minimize the cleaning requirements long term. Kept that up to this day! Other men may think i am “less of a man” I prefer to think it’s “learning has occurred”.
Sounds like you’re one of the good ones!!!
So funny! and so true! While I’ve never had the problem, when my sister was renovating their hall bath (the one used by the 3 boys – who also peed all over), she lost the argument to install a urinal in it. She was over-ridden but when she goes to sell the house, I’m sure she’ll be glad she doesn’t have a urinal – unless the prospective buyer also has boys!
I suppose the way I see it, as you say, as a basic of courteous behaviour. I suspect that you are the one keeping the bathroom (and whole house!) clean, (correct me if I’m wrong!) and hence it seems respectful to abide by your simple request. Interesting if you were to disrespect something important to THEM (car, tools, x-box) and point out the pattern. However tempting, slamming the lid is also passive-aggressive behaviour -sorry!- and you won’t win that battle anyway as the revenge just escalates.
By the time I started slamming the seat I had no desire to “win”. It was long over by then. But true, passive aggressive on my part!!
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