I've been looking into private schools for my 14 year old, who is struggling academically. Last night my eldest started chiding me for this. He said "the problem is that we just aren't as smart as you think we are. We are like dad - we don't think much. We are simple people". My first … Continue reading Lies Don’t Work Here Anymore
Wake Up Gurl!
I Think I’m The Problem
It's not a far-fetched idea, that I am the problem. I'm the one here with my boys, day in , day out. If they are on the edge, teetering between happiness and misery, isn't that my doing, not the ex's? He's not here to influence them - I am. And it seems that I'm … Continue reading I Think I’m The Problem
Deal Breakers = Boundaries
I've always thought that people who claim certain characteristics/beliefs/habits are "deal breakers" are excessively picky. I've stood firm in this judgement. One friend in particular has a ton of deal breakers: he's shorter then I, he's not successful professionally, he's an engineer, he has no sense of humor, he doesn't like Bruce Springsteen, etc. etc. … Continue reading Deal Breakers = Boundaries
Sidestepping the Pain
I don't want to write about pain anymore. Yes, I am in pain. Every time I think it's gone, it resurfaces, and I wallow. And I'm so, so tired of it! If the only way out is through it, I guess I won't get out, because I'm not going through it anymore. I'm going to … Continue reading Sidestepping the Pain
My Brain on Trauma
This is hard for me to write, hard for me to say, hard for me to admit. I am a perpetual victim. Of my own making. I knew I didn't handle stressful situations well, but I had no idea that I respond to situations like a victim. Before I tell you what happened, I … Continue reading My Brain on Trauma
Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
One of the major issues I had raising children with my narc was his inability to look at himself critically. As the Chosen One of a Narc, I am excessively good at looking at myself critically. Ask me, at any random point in any random day, and I will come up with 20 Major Flaws … Continue reading Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Congratulations! You have been chosen by a narcissist. I know what you're thinking: hmmm, doesn't seem like this is a Good Thing. Don't you usually congratulate someone for some type of achievement? A promotion, a new baby, a new home, a new degree - these are the types of things you typically gets Congrats … Continue reading Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Part of getting divorced is cutting expenses. As a result, I no longer have cable, which has led to Netflix binges. I've just finished the first season of the Gilmore Girls, which I had never watched before, but am completely taken by. When I first started watching I was very unsure of Lorelai. She seemed … Continue reading Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Enough
Remember the scene in Love Actually when Mark, who's in love with his best friends wife, Juliet, tells her, via signs, that he is moving on? As he walks away, he says "enough", and it is clear that he has turned the corner. He is done wallowing, he is over pining away for her. Today, … Continue reading Enough
Regrets
For some time after my separation I told myself I had no regrets. I felt such shame and humiliation, this was my only way to reserve what little self-respect I had. What better way to protect your ego then to believe that you have No Regrets, I would do it all the same given the … Continue reading Regrets
Groomed but Escaped 