I've always thought that people who claim certain characteristics/beliefs/habits are "deal breakers" are excessively picky. I've stood firm in this judgement. One friend in particular has a ton of deal breakers: he's shorter then I, he's not successful professionally, he's an engineer, he has no sense of humor, he doesn't like Bruce Springsteen, etc. etc. … Continue reading Deal Breakers = Boundaries
self awareness
Sidestepping the Pain
I don't want to write about pain anymore. Yes, I am in pain. Every time I think it's gone, it resurfaces, and I wallow. And I'm so, so tired of it! If the only way out is through it, I guess I won't get out, because I'm not going through it anymore. I'm going to … Continue reading Sidestepping the Pain
My Brain on Trauma
This is hard for me to write, hard for me to say, hard for me to admit. I am a perpetual victim. Of my own making. I knew I didn't handle stressful situations well, but I had no idea that I respond to situations like a victim. Before I tell you what happened, I … Continue reading My Brain on Trauma
Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
One of the major issues I had raising children with my narc was his inability to look at himself critically. As the Chosen One of a Narc, I am excessively good at looking at myself critically. Ask me, at any random point in any random day, and I will come up with 20 Major Flaws … Continue reading Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Congratulations! You have been chosen by a narcissist. I know what you're thinking: hmmm, doesn't seem like this is a Good Thing. Don't you usually congratulate someone for some type of achievement? A promotion, a new baby, a new home, a new degree - these are the types of things you typically gets Congrats … Continue reading Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Part of getting divorced is cutting expenses. As a result, I no longer have cable, which has led to Netflix binges. I've just finished the first season of the Gilmore Girls, which I had never watched before, but am completely taken by. When I first started watching I was very unsure of Lorelai. She seemed … Continue reading Where is My Lorelai Gilmore Chip?
Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
The largest blizzard I ever lived through was in 1996. I was 7 months pregnant, lived with my ex, our 3 year old, and my 7 year old step son. We lived in a twin on a block made up of other twins, most of which were filled with young children. It was a great … Continue reading Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
Good Choice, Bad Choice?
I am a huge fan of Brene Brown. If you aren't familiar, google Brene Brown Ted talks to get an idea of who she is and what her message is. I'm currently reading her most recent book, Rising Strong, which is resonating with me even more then her others; all of which have changed me! … Continue reading Good Choice, Bad Choice?
Petrification: Can I Break Out?
I've been trying to put into words what is happening to me right now, and I've been complete unsuccessful. Last week I realized that I feel dirty. My skin feels sullied, and I want to tear it off. At first I thought it was just my skin, and that if I could cure that … Continue reading Petrification: Can I Break Out?
Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Boundaries are fairly new to me. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've set them in recent years. They are: When I let my ex know I wouldn't allow him to cheat on me anymore. When I let my children know that human emotions, good and bad, are normal, and we … Continue reading Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Groomed but Escaped 