Remember when we were kids and when we complained "life's not fair"? We'd hear "life's not fair, then you die". Turns out this is not a good thing to say to a child who's mother has cancer. I've said it a few times to my 14 year old, and I finally looked as … Continue reading Life Is Not Fair
self awareness
Start Here
Often I am so overwhelmed with pain, confusion and fear that I make no progress. I see no end to the pain caused by my covert narcissist; I see no future in which I can be happy and whole. It is usually during these weeks that I somehow find a new resource - a website, … Continue reading Start Here
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
The Upside of Tantrums
Rage on you Tiny Children I just read a blog from a young mother troubled about dealing with her youngest child's tantrums. As is so often the case, many tantrums happen in public, and are embarrassing to parents. It is difficult to know how to deal with them, especially when we are surrounded by … Continue reading The Upside of Tantrums
Future Events Appearing Real
FEAR Future Events Appearing Real When my ex first left I was terrified. He'd spent over 20 years putting me down in a way I didn't understand. When he left I felt helpless and doomed. As has been the case in my adult years, my parents showed up. My father, who I've never … Continue reading Future Events Appearing Real
the Downside of “The Universe”
Truth Bombs I love yoga, my yoga studio and my yoga peeps. For a time I bought into the idea that "the universe" speaks to us. It is an attractive idea, right? In the same way religious people say their lives are controlled by God, many yoga peeps say our lives are controlled by … Continue reading the Downside of “The Universe”
Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Even my cat's love was an illusion. I always wanted a kitten, but the rest of my family said no. They were dog people. The summer before 5th grade a friend of mine had kittens (actually, her cat had kittens) and I yearned for one of them, but the family consensus was no. I left … Continue reading Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Why I Stayed with My Covert Narcissist
Human Doormat Syndrome I suffer from Human Doormat Syndrome (HDS). I'm thinking of starting a recovery program for fellow sufferers. Like AA, we could come together in a circle, take turns saying "Hi. I'm MurphyCee and I am a Human Doormat". Then we could share our stories of how we've willingly allowed others to … Continue reading Why I Stayed with My Covert Narcissist
Human Pathology Detector
I am a Human Pathology Detector. I have found that if someone is psychologically normal, or healthy, I am automatically put on guard. I feel awkward, shy and inept around them. I don't want to spend time with them, and I will go out of my way to avoid them. If, however, some one is … Continue reading Human Pathology Detector
The Danger of Hope
Hope In Moderation My ex used to call me Debbie Downer. He claimed that I always rained on his parade. It's hard not to believe things you are told over, and over, and over, so I believed it. I was the eternal pessimist, the one afraid to make any type of move, the one questioning … Continue reading The Danger of Hope
Groomed but Escaped 