It took about 1 year for me to realize I had been married to, and was now divorcing, a covert narcissist. Memories flooded back. I had a hard time figuring out where to put the feelings, heartbreak and regret; hence this blog. At one point I wrote The Tractor. It was partially autobiographical but mostly … Continue reading Revenge
Rage
(see update at bottom) I grew up with people subject to rage, and then married a man who did the same thing. Here's the thing about rage: it's all about control. Rage is not an expression of anger, it is a show put on by a disordered person, designed to flip the script; to … Continue reading Rage
Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
I have a good friend with whom I share many of my inner most thoughts, pretty or not. One of these thoughts was the idea that I wanted to "win" my divorce. I've decided (hopefully) that this is a very human, not at all unusual thought, especially among those who have been abused. It was … Continue reading Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
Long Term Impact of Narcissist
I had a very difficult winter. If you read my blog regularly you might have noticed I stopped writing. I was struggling with a lingering virus (remember-if you are the victim of a narcissist your health is compromised), but that was not the whole story. I am increasingly aware of the long term impact of … Continue reading Long Term Impact of Narcissist
Be Proactive with Narcissist
I was advised, early in my divorce, to take control of the process. Close accounts, force issues, freeze assets, etc. I didn't, because I was conditioned to not threaten my narcissist. I had been taught to think that revenge would be horrible. I say conditioned because in retrospect, I can count on 1 hand the … Continue reading Be Proactive with Narcissist
The Narcissist-Four Years Later
REVENGE People say that the best revenge after divorce is to live your best life. While it's not perfect, I am definitely living the best life I've ever lived. I still struggle with my health (life long battle thanks to the steady barrage of gas lighting from my ex narc), but aside from that, … Continue reading The Narcissist-Four Years Later
Cats, Dogs & Sexism
I have a cat and a dog, both of whom I love. My dog has been plastered by my side through chemo, divorce, moving: every moment of the 10 years she's been with me. When I've been too sick to walk her she runs outside, does her business and gets right back in bed … Continue reading Cats, Dogs & Sexism
The Sociable Introvert
My children (3 boys, 26, 23 & 17) and I were trying to figure out a weekend to go visit their grandparents. The older 2 have full time jobs, Monday through Friday. The task seemed as simple as picking a weekend to make the 2 hour drive, but it was complicated by my middle son. … Continue reading The Sociable Introvert
The Weight Of Cancer
As a 5 year survivor of late stage Ovarian Cancer I am often approached by family members of people recently diagnosed with a deadly cancer. I've been searching for an image of how it feels to be diagnosed with a deadly disease, and the best I can come up with is a barbell. I was … Continue reading The Weight Of Cancer
Cheaters & Liars
Strange story - in the last episode of the Connor's Jackie figured out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, and she kicked him to the curb. Watching this took me down memory lane. Everything he says to her is something my ex said to me. Things like: if you accuse me of cheating you're … Continue reading Cheaters & Liars
Groomed but Escaped 