2 Months before our 23rd anniversary: Divorce requested by him 3/31/14. Denial of affair. Flowers sent to GH 4/4/14; receipt found by me 4/6. 4/14/14 - made him move out; told the kids. 4/2015 - vacation with the GF. Celebrating 1 year official anniversary? 5/2015 - GF introduced to kids. Always with them now. 7/2015 … Continue reading Hard Not to Wallow
To Blog or Not To Blog
I can't decide if I want this blog to be successful or not. In fact, the day I had the most reads, I went into a panic. What if my ex reads this? What if my kids read this? What if my parents read this? What will they think? What will they say? How … Continue reading To Blog or Not To Blog
Fear of Discord
This sums up how I feel. Or rather, try not to feel. Avoid negative emotions at all cost. What I found most interesting is the idea that my brain, in an effort to survive, re-wired itself to be hyper-vigilant for signs of negativity in others, and to react to fix it. How to fix it … Continue reading Fear of Discord
Beginnings & Endings: Clues to Narcissism
I have 23 years of a relationship with a covert narcissist (CN) to dissect, and the question I keep asking my therapist is "are you sure?" How can you be sure he really is a CN, and I'm not just re-writing our story? What proof do you have that I didn't deserve to be treated … Continue reading Beginnings & Endings: Clues to Narcissism
Start Here
Often I am so overwhelmed with pain, confusion and fear that I make no progress. I see no end to the pain caused by my covert narcissist; I see no future in which I can be happy and whole. It is usually during these weeks that I somehow find a new resource - a website, … Continue reading Start Here
Runaway Mom
Being a mom is a relentless, thankless job. I am happy I have children, I always love them, I am often very proud of them, and sometimes I even like them. But Damn. I left my career when my 3rd son was 6 months old. I tried going back to work, but I was just … Continue reading Runaway Mom
Rewriting My Childhood
Years ago my mother gave me a bag of letters from my childhood. Most were letters I had written, but there was one she had written. She wrote it when I was a senior in college. It was addressed to my sorority sister who wanted information about my childhood to use in the Senior Send … Continue reading Rewriting My Childhood
Quite A Show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UjJ4wKLkg&list=RDJ3UjJ4wKLkg#t=0 Rhianna sums it up. You Put on Quite a Show It's really entertaining..... For me this has been one of the most difficult aspects of the relationship with the covert narc to come to terms with. The idea that it was all just a show, that he actually had no feelings for me, … Continue reading Quite A Show
Ovarian Cancer
https://www.statnews.com/2016/04/01/ovarian-cancer-failure/ Getting a cancer diagnosis is like being hit by a Mac truck. I got mine while walking my dog, at 4:30 on a lovely July afternoon. At that time I was worried about my 11 year old's baseball game, and my older sons education, when suddenly, BOOM. I had been having stomach pain … Continue reading Ovarian Cancer
I Deserved So Much Better
It's taken a long time to get here, but I finally get it - I replaced my dysfunctional birth family with a dysfunctional husband, and together, we created Dysfunction Central. I've known for a long time that we had problems; hence this blog. Truthfully though, I was more than happy to take the blame for … Continue reading I Deserved So Much Better
Groomed but Escaped 