Remember when we were kids and when we complained "life's not fair"? We'd hear "life's not fair, then you die". Turns out this is not a good thing to say to a child who's mother has cancer. I've said it a few times to my 14 year old, and I finally looked as … Continue reading Life Is Not Fair
family
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
The Upside of Tantrums
Rage on you Tiny Children I just read a blog from a young mother troubled about dealing with her youngest child's tantrums. As is so often the case, many tantrums happen in public, and are embarrassing to parents. It is difficult to know how to deal with them, especially when we are surrounded by … Continue reading The Upside of Tantrums
Future Events Appearing Real
FEAR Future Events Appearing Real When my ex first left I was terrified. He'd spent over 20 years putting me down in a way I didn't understand. When he left I felt helpless and doomed. As has been the case in my adult years, my parents showed up. My father, who I've never … Continue reading Future Events Appearing Real
the Downside of “The Universe”
Truth Bombs I love yoga, my yoga studio and my yoga peeps. For a time I bought into the idea that "the universe" speaks to us. It is an attractive idea, right? In the same way religious people say their lives are controlled by God, many yoga peeps say our lives are controlled by … Continue reading the Downside of “The Universe”
Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Even my cat's love was an illusion. I always wanted a kitten, but the rest of my family said no. They were dog people. The summer before 5th grade a friend of mine had kittens (actually, her cat had kittens) and I yearned for one of them, but the family consensus was no. I left … Continue reading Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Taxes & Divorce
While we've been separated for close to 2 years, my ex and I are not close to being divorced. We own a business together, so our finances are not transparent, making divorce very complicated. I intended to file taxes single this year. My original intent was to make sure my son received the maximum amount … Continue reading Taxes & Divorce
The Danger of Hope
Hope In Moderation My ex used to call me Debbie Downer. He claimed that I always rained on his parade. It's hard not to believe things you are told over, and over, and over, so I believed it. I was the eternal pessimist, the one afraid to make any type of move, the one questioning … Continue reading The Danger of Hope
Crisis or Long Haul: Which is Worse?
It is easy to get through a crisis in the beginning. In the beginning, everyone gathers round and holds you up. Your family drops everything to be at your side, your friends check in on you every day, your children are on their best behavior. You are surrounded by love, and you come to … Continue reading Crisis or Long Haul: Which is Worse?
My Story
What I Thought Happened I met my narc in 1988. I worked with him for 6 months, during which time I came to see him as a total dick. He treated me and other employees terribly. He was rude, sullen, uncooperative and unavailable, until he needed me for something. Once he realized I could help … Continue reading My Story
Groomed but Escaped 