My ex and I reached a settlement on 1/25 of this year. As of 2/1 he was supposed to increase the amount of support he's paying. A substantial increase. In return, I'm to pay the mortgage while selling the house. All of which is what I wanted, and all of which is manageable. Except...... His … Continue reading Another Win for the Narcissist
covert narcissist
The Narcissist & Quicksand
Occasionally I find a subject that fascinates me, and I spend hours learning about it. Mt. Everest and Fairy Circles are two examples. Ask me anything - I probably know the answer. Today I am pondering quicksand. The more I learn about it the more similarities I find between quicksand and the narcissist. You don't … Continue reading The Narcissist & Quicksand
Narcissists Feed On Shame
Shame is a new concept for me. I lived it, but I never understood it. From as early as I can remember I've felt a deep sense of shame, a belief that I was inherently such a bad human I deserved nothing. As a child I was called "practically perfect". My family thought this was … Continue reading Narcissists Feed On Shame
How Did Your Ex Introduce His Paramour to Your Children?
(As always, substitute her if you are a guy) I thought it might be fun for some of us regulars to share how our ex introduced his adulterer to our kids. I'll go first. I'll tell it from my point of view and his point of view (his in red. Like Scarlet Letter Red) ME: … Continue reading How Did Your Ex Introduce His Paramour to Your Children?
Ode to a Cheater
My favorite blogger is ChumpLady. She has turned calling bullshit on cheaters into an art form. Naturally, when she put out the call for Valentine Poems to our cheaters, I had to comply. I had so much fun writing this I thought I'd share. Enjoy! Your face was so sad when you first came … Continue reading Ode to a Cheater
It Is Not Your Fault
Divorcing A Narcissist I have just come to a divorce settlement with my covert narc (CN). It took almost 3 years, and it was hell. As I get over the constant fear I realize how bad it really was. The most important thing I've learned is this: This was not my fault. I was … Continue reading It Is Not Your Fault
What If?
I know....don't get your hopes up. Tomorrow is a hearing in front of a "Master" regarding distribution of property. This is how a contentious divorce works in PA. If the parties are not amenable to binding arbitration, the process is broken into 3 parts: support, custody and equitable distribution. On the surface this seems … Continue reading What If?
Cancer Saved My Life
I received the transcript from my spouse's deposition today, and I started reading it. I was floored on the 1st page, when he spoke about how our divorce came about. I remember the moment as if it happened yesterday. It is forever seared into my brain. It was 9:20AM. I was in the kitchen preparing … Continue reading Cancer Saved My Life
The Humiliation of Divorcing A Narcissist
During this 3rd year of my separation I've become increasingly reclusive, and I haven't been sure why. The other night I figured it out. I was talking to a friend who had just scarfed down 2 bagels and pound of M & M's and was in a shame spiral. I'm the ideal person to call … Continue reading The Humiliation of Divorcing A Narcissist
My Son is a Prop
My spouse insists on having my son every Sunday & Monday. Unless my son doesn't want to do what the dad wants to do - then he "can't" take him. Two weeks ago the dad made arrangements for my son's basketball coach to pick him up, take him to his game, then drop him … Continue reading My Son is a Prop
Groomed but Escaped 