The 1st time I had dinner at my ex's home I was surprised. My ex bragged about his father constantly. According to him, his father was his idol. He was a perfect father, husband, employee and Deacon. He was always on the go, leaving at 7AM for work, stopping home for a 15 minute dinner … Continue reading Dinner With The Covert Narc
Wake Up Gurl!
Instead of Breaking
The glassblower knows: while in the heat of beginning, any shape is possible. Once hardened, the only way to change is to break. The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo That is the opening passage for February 19. I am much further along in the book (started reading it daily last April) so I'm not even sure … Continue reading Instead of Breaking
My Go-To Sites: Education is the Key
Recovering from narcissistic abuse requires knowledge. You have to understand what you were up against, how you got there, why you are so confused, what is real and what is not, and where to go from here. Some of my favorite resources are: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell http://ladywithatruck.com/the-3-phases-of-a-relationship-with-a-narcisist/ http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/yourmentalhealth/2015/10/15/recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-without-validation/ http://relationshipedia.me/ http://www.narcissismaddictionsabuse.com/index.html http://thenarcissisticlife.com/victims-of-npd-relationships-stages-of-recovery/ http://christinehammondcounseling.com/2015/01/13/how-narcissists-use-money-to-abuse/ https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?298-Working-Through-Rage-After-Abuse https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/complex-ptsd#section-emotional-neglect:-a-primary-cause-of-complex-ptsd? http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/02/24/shame-guilt-neurotic-manipulation/ … Continue reading My Go-To Sites: Education is the Key
Lies Don’t Work Here Anymore
I've been looking into private schools for my 14 year old, who is struggling academically. Last night my eldest started chiding me for this. He said "the problem is that we just aren't as smart as you think we are. We are like dad - we don't think much. We are simple people". My first … Continue reading Lies Don’t Work Here Anymore
I Think I’m The Problem
It's not a far-fetched idea, that I am the problem. I'm the one here with my boys, day in , day out. If they are on the edge, teetering between happiness and misery, isn't that my doing, not the ex's? He's not here to influence them - I am. And it seems that I'm … Continue reading I Think I’m The Problem
Deal Breakers = Boundaries
I've always thought that people who claim certain characteristics/beliefs/habits are "deal breakers" are excessively picky. I've stood firm in this judgement. One friend in particular has a ton of deal breakers: he's shorter then I, he's not successful professionally, he's an engineer, he has no sense of humor, he doesn't like Bruce Springsteen, etc. etc. … Continue reading Deal Breakers = Boundaries
Sidestepping the Pain
I don't want to write about pain anymore. Yes, I am in pain. Every time I think it's gone, it resurfaces, and I wallow. And I'm so, so tired of it! If the only way out is through it, I guess I won't get out, because I'm not going through it anymore. I'm going to … Continue reading Sidestepping the Pain
My Brain on Trauma
This is hard for me to write, hard for me to say, hard for me to admit. I am a perpetual victim. Of my own making. I knew I didn't handle stressful situations well, but I had no idea that I respond to situations like a victim. Before I tell you what happened, I … Continue reading My Brain on Trauma
Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
One of the major issues I had raising children with my narc was his inability to look at himself critically. As the Chosen One of a Narc, I am excessively good at looking at myself critically. Ask me, at any random point in any random day, and I will come up with 20 Major Flaws … Continue reading Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Congratulations! You have been chosen by a narcissist. I know what you're thinking: hmmm, doesn't seem like this is a Good Thing. Don't you usually congratulate someone for some type of achievement? A promotion, a new baby, a new home, a new degree - these are the types of things you typically gets Congrats … Continue reading Congrats: You’re The Chosen One
Groomed but Escaped 