I can't decide if I want this blog to be successful or not. In fact, the day I had the most reads, I went into a panic. What if my ex reads this? What if my kids read this? What if my parents read this? What will they think? What will they say? How … Continue reading To Blog or Not To Blog
Wake Up Gurl!
Fear of Discord
This sums up how I feel. Or rather, try not to feel. Avoid negative emotions at all cost. What I found most interesting is the idea that my brain, in an effort to survive, re-wired itself to be hyper-vigilant for signs of negativity in others, and to react to fix it. How to fix it … Continue reading Fear of Discord
Beginnings & Endings: Clues to Narcissism
I have 23 years of a relationship with a covert narcissist (CN) to dissect, and the question I keep asking my therapist is "are you sure?" How can you be sure he really is a CN, and I'm not just re-writing our story? What proof do you have that I didn't deserve to be treated … Continue reading Beginnings & Endings: Clues to Narcissism
Start Here
Often I am so overwhelmed with pain, confusion and fear that I make no progress. I see no end to the pain caused by my covert narcissist; I see no future in which I can be happy and whole. It is usually during these weeks that I somehow find a new resource - a website, … Continue reading Start Here
Runaway Mom
Being a mom is a relentless, thankless job. I am happy I have children, I always love them, I am often very proud of them, and sometimes I even like them. But Damn. I left my career when my 3rd son was 6 months old. I tried going back to work, but I was just … Continue reading Runaway Mom
Rewriting My Childhood
Years ago my mother gave me a bag of letters from my childhood. Most were letters I had written, but there was one she had written. She wrote it when I was a senior in college. It was addressed to my sorority sister who wanted information about my childhood to use in the Senior Send … Continue reading Rewriting My Childhood
Quite A Show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UjJ4wKLkg&list=RDJ3UjJ4wKLkg#t=0 Rhianna sums it up. You Put on Quite a Show It's really entertaining..... For me this has been one of the most difficult aspects of the relationship with the covert narc to come to terms with. The idea that it was all just a show, that he actually had no feelings for me, … Continue reading Quite A Show
I Deserved So Much Better
It's taken a long time to get here, but I finally get it - I replaced my dysfunctional birth family with a dysfunctional husband, and together, we created Dysfunction Central. I've known for a long time that we had problems; hence this blog. Truthfully though, I was more than happy to take the blame for … Continue reading I Deserved So Much Better
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
Sex & The Covert Narc
When I first met my narc, the sex (after the 1st few extremely awkward and unsatisfying pairings) was amazing! It was unlike any I'd ever had before. It actually felt as if our souls were merging during the act. He often said that afterwards, that it had been the best sex he'd ever had, … Continue reading Sex & The Covert Narc
Groomed but Escaped 