Often I am so overwhelmed with pain, confusion and fear that I make no progress. I see no end to the pain caused by my covert narcissist; I see no future in which I can be happy and whole. It is usually during these weeks that I somehow find a new resource - a website, … Continue reading Start Here
Wake Up Gurl!
Runaway Mom
Being a mom is a relentless, thankless job. I am happy I have children, I always love them, I am often very proud of them, and sometimes I even like them. But Damn. I left my career when my 3rd son was 6 months old. I tried going back to work, but I was just … Continue reading Runaway Mom
Rewriting My Childhood
Years ago my mother gave me a bag of letters from my childhood. Most were letters I had written, but there was one she had written. She wrote it when I was a senior in college. It was addressed to my sorority sister who wanted information about my childhood to use in the Senior Send … Continue reading Rewriting My Childhood
Quite A Show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UjJ4wKLkg&list=RDJ3UjJ4wKLkg#t=0 Rhianna sums it up. You Put on Quite a Show It's really entertaining..... For me this has been one of the most difficult aspects of the relationship with the covert narc to come to terms with. The idea that it was all just a show, that he actually had no feelings for me, … Continue reading Quite A Show
I Deserved So Much Better
It's taken a long time to get here, but I finally get it - I replaced my dysfunctional birth family with a dysfunctional husband, and together, we created Dysfunction Central. I've known for a long time that we had problems; hence this blog. Truthfully though, I was more than happy to take the blame for … Continue reading I Deserved So Much Better
Parenting after Abuse
I've been Netflixing the show Parenthood. I started watching because I no longer have cable, there was nothing on the main stations, and I love Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls. Halfway through the 1st episode I was hooked. If I'm not writing, taking care of my home/kids or doing yoga/therapy/meditation, I'm watching Parenthood. For … Continue reading Parenting after Abuse
Sex & The Covert Narc
When I first met my narc, the sex (after the 1st few extremely awkward and unsatisfying pairings) was amazing! It was unlike any I'd ever had before. It actually felt as if our souls were merging during the act. He often said that afterwards, that it had been the best sex he'd ever had, … Continue reading Sex & The Covert Narc
Future Events Appearing Real
FEAR Future Events Appearing Real When my ex first left I was terrified. He'd spent over 20 years putting me down in a way I didn't understand. When he left I felt helpless and doomed. As has been the case in my adult years, my parents showed up. My father, who I've never … Continue reading Future Events Appearing Real
Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Even my cat's love was an illusion. I always wanted a kitten, but the rest of my family said no. They were dog people. The summer before 5th grade a friend of mine had kittens (actually, her cat had kittens) and I yearned for one of them, but the family consensus was no. I left … Continue reading Cats, Dogs, & Self-Esteem
Why I Stayed with My Covert Narcissist
Human Doormat Syndrome I suffer from Human Doormat Syndrome (HDS). I'm thinking of starting a recovery program for fellow sufferers. Like AA, we could come together in a circle, take turns saying "Hi. I'm MurphyCee and I am a Human Doormat". Then we could share our stories of how we've willingly allowed others to … Continue reading Why I Stayed with My Covert Narcissist
Groomed but Escaped 