I didn't understand the power of words until I started recovering from narcissistic abuse. My therapist started dissecting my language, and slowly I learned how toxic the narc (and other disordered people) are in their use of language. I had put this issue aside until a co-worker started going through the separation/divorce process. She started … Continue reading Words and Narcissistic Abuse
manipulation
Rage
(see update at bottom) I grew up with people subject to rage, and then married a man who did the same thing. Here's the thing about rage: it's all about control. Rage is not an expression of anger, it is a show put on by a disordered person, designed to flip the script; to … Continue reading Rage
Love Bombing
Dirty John While I've accepted that I was love bombed by a covert narcissist, I still struggle with how it happened. In retrospect, everything was so clear. His actions did not match his words, he lied to everyone around him in order to see me, he went through jobs like others go through socks and … Continue reading Love Bombing
Escaping Narcissistic Abuse – the Mt. Everest of Recovery
If you are stuck in a toxic relationship, there are concrete steps you can take to escape. Comparing this endeavor to climbing Mt. Everest, here is a list of steps to take to begin recovery. Using these steps to establish a new base camp for your life.
Impenetrable Boundaries
Every once in a while I find myself re-learning the importance of impenetrable boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. This week was a refresher course. It started on Monday when my ex narc claimed that his* PowerSchool** was blank, could I tell him what our son's grades were. I know - seems mighty innocuous, right? … Continue reading Impenetrable Boundaries
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I have struggled with my bosses. According to my therapist, I am expecting people who have consistently demonstrated that they don't have my back, to have my back. An old pattern of mine, and the definition of crazy! This weekend was my Ovarian Cancer walk. The walk is held by a foundation I support all … Continue reading Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Manipulation or Management
I was talking to an acquaintance about issues raising children, like getting them on the bus. She was having trouble with her son, and she had implemented some new rules. She said she wasn't sure if she was manipulating or managing him, and I was struck by this idea. Manipulation, in our society, has a … Continue reading Manipulation or Management
The Narcissist Never Changes. Get Used to It.
My ex, a covert narcissist, took a low paying job rather than work for more in our business. He did this just as it was time to start support negotiations. He claims he is selling our business (a restaurant) because he has to work too many hours, and he's getting too old - he needs … Continue reading The Narcissist Never Changes. Get Used to It.
Narcissists Love Play-Doh
Recovering from Narcissist abuse is a long term endeavor. I have developed a step program (will share later) and I still revisit some of the earlier steps. I often have to reassure myself that I am not imaging my abuse. I've been pondering lately why this is. What is it about the narcissist abuse … Continue reading Narcissists Love Play-Doh
The Covert Narcissist & Lies
Wow. Just......wow. 10 days ago my narc was caught lying. He lied about his income and his affairs. He stormed out of a deposition because he was confronted with evidence about his affairs. He admitted to hiding income, lying about selling our business, and withholding pertinent information. Lies on top of lies. Since he … Continue reading The Covert Narcissist & Lies
Groomed but Escaped 