(see update at bottom) I grew up with people subject to rage, and then married a man who did the same thing. Here's the thing about rage: it's all about control. Rage is not an expression of anger, it is a show put on by a disordered person, designed to flip the script; to … Continue reading Rage
guilt
Cats, Dogs & Sexism
I have a cat and a dog, both of whom I love. My dog has been plastered by my side through chemo, divorce, moving: every moment of the 10 years she's been with me. When I've been too sick to walk her she runs outside, does her business and gets right back in bed … Continue reading Cats, Dogs & Sexism
Survivors Guilt
How It Really Feels to Advocate If you were to look at my Facebook feed, or my instagram page, you might get the impression I love advocating for ovarian cancer awareness. You might also think that I am somewhat successful in my efforts, I have faithful supporters and it is my life's ambition to … Continue reading Survivors Guilt
Die with Compassion
I spent today with my Aunt, who is the Executrix of her brother's estate. She drove 2.5 hours to get to his attorney's office. We then went to the courthouse to get the papers required to access his accounts. From there we were off to his 1st bank, then the 2nd. At the 1st bank, … Continue reading Die with Compassion
Wake Up Call
For a variety of reasons I've been working a lot the past two weeks. I should quantify this: a lot for me. I love working. I love projects, being around people, feeling productive, not laying in bed. Despite the fact that I know better, I still volunteer for much more than I can handle physically. … Continue reading Wake Up Call
the Downside of “The Universe”
Truth Bombs I love yoga, my yoga studio and my yoga peeps. For a time I bought into the idea that "the universe" speaks to us. It is an attractive idea, right? In the same way religious people say their lives are controlled by God, many yoga peeps say our lives are controlled by … Continue reading the Downside of “The Universe”
My Brain on Trauma
This is hard for me to write, hard for me to say, hard for me to admit. I am a perpetual victim. Of my own making. I knew I didn't handle stressful situations well, but I had no idea that I respond to situations like a victim. Before I tell you what happened, I … Continue reading My Brain on Trauma
Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Boundaries are fairly new to me. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've set them in recent years. They are: When I let my ex know I wouldn't allow him to cheat on me anymore. When I let my children know that human emotions, good and bad, are normal, and we … Continue reading Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Groomed but Escaped 