I don't want to write about pain anymore. Yes, I am in pain. Every time I think it's gone, it resurfaces, and I wallow. And I'm so, so tired of it! If the only way out is through it, I guess I won't get out, because I'm not going through it anymore. I'm going to … Continue reading Sidestepping the Pain
Divorce
Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
One of the major issues I had raising children with my narc was his inability to look at himself critically. As the Chosen One of a Narc, I am excessively good at looking at myself critically. Ask me, at any random point in any random day, and I will come up with 20 Major Flaws … Continue reading Are You Saying It’s My Fault?
Enough
Remember the scene in Love Actually when Mark, who's in love with his best friends wife, Juliet, tells her, via signs, that he is moving on? As he walks away, he says "enough", and it is clear that he has turned the corner. He is done wallowing, he is over pining away for her. Today, … Continue reading Enough
Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
The largest blizzard I ever lived through was in 1996. I was 7 months pregnant, lived with my ex, our 3 year old, and my 7 year old step son. We lived in a twin on a block made up of other twins, most of which were filled with young children. It was a great … Continue reading Snow, Single Mothers’, Alzheimer’s & Guilt
Petrification: Can I Break Out?
I've been trying to put into words what is happening to me right now, and I've been complete unsuccessful. Last week I realized that I feel dirty. My skin feels sullied, and I want to tear it off. At first I thought it was just my skin, and that if I could cure that … Continue reading Petrification: Can I Break Out?
Please Don’t Ask Me That
I had the opportunity today to work with a friend of mine who is a widow. We both have boys around the same age and in the same school district, so we share many of the same acquaintances, as well as the status of “single mom”. We talk about a variety of issues related to … Continue reading Please Don’t Ask Me That
Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Boundaries are fairly new to me. I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've set them in recent years. They are: When I let my ex know I wouldn't allow him to cheat on me anymore. When I let my children know that human emotions, good and bad, are normal, and we … Continue reading Boundaries Are Self-Compassion
Fear Of Flying
What creates a fear of flying? I was never afraid to fly, until the day I suddenly was. For years I've required copious amounts of Valium and alcohol to fly. One flight, years ago, was due to leave around 7AM. By 6:30 I had taken 2 Xanax and had a drink; yes, at … Continue reading Fear Of Flying
Freedom From Waiting
I have a bowl of "Angel Cards": cards with inspirational words. The premise is that we all have angels watching over us, and they will guide our hand to the card we need that day. I don't know if that part is true or not, but I do know that whatever word I pull … Continue reading Freedom From Waiting
Alone or Lonely?
I have always enjoyed being alone. From as far back as I can remember I was just as content playing alone as I was playing with my friends. As a matter of fact, I cherished my time alone. I have many solitary activities that I enjoy, so being alone is never a problem for me. … Continue reading Alone or Lonely?
Groomed but Escaped 