"We are getting divorced and you need to decide who you want to live with". This was the opening statement from my father during a "family meeting". My three siblings immediately said they wanted to go with him. I have no idea what I said. By this age (early tween) I was an expert at … Continue reading The Intentionality of Narcissistic Rage
covert narcissist
Stories Become History
As a teen my family spent hours in family therapy. I was the focus, as I was the "problem". I was the 1st of my siblings to fall apart, calling attention to our family. As I deteriorated, we were all forced into increasingly awkward hourly sessions, during which my parents recounted my transgressions and called … Continue reading Stories Become History
Triggers
Triggers are unique to each individual, everyone has them, and they sometimes come out of the blue. I learned this the hard way this week. My work environment has been understaffed and, towards the end of the summer, we finally brought on board 3 new staff members. Honestly, I was disappointed when I met … Continue reading Triggers
Life After Long Term Narcissistic Abuse
I spent 24 with a covert narcissist. This was after growing up with a covert narcissist and an alcoholic. I am 6 years, 3 months from the date my covert narc moved out, and I believe I am now in the final stage of recovery. Of course I thought I was in the last … Continue reading Life After Long Term Narcissistic Abuse
Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
If you are connected to a narcissist, you probably wrestle with your shadow self. Some aspects of our shadow self are survival instincts no longer necessary to survive. The most toxic parts of our shadow self though come from parents. If you were raised by a narcissist or other disordered person, you have been … Continue reading Shadow Self-Narcissist Fuel
The Narcissistic Father
I thought I would feel vindicated when my children finally figured out their narcissistic father. Instead, I just feel sad. The younger two have known for a while who and what their dad is. Not much has changed for them. My eldest is the one I've worried about. My ex always spent the most … Continue reading The Narcissistic Father
Words and Narcissistic Abuse
I didn't understand the power of words until I started recovering from narcissistic abuse. My therapist started dissecting my language, and slowly I learned how toxic the narc (and other disordered people) are in their use of language. I had put this issue aside until a co-worker started going through the separation/divorce process. She started … Continue reading Words and Narcissistic Abuse
Revenge
It took about 1 year for me to realize I had been married to, and was now divorcing, a covert narcissist. Memories flooded back. I had a hard time figuring out where to put the feelings, heartbreak and regret; hence this blog. At one point I wrote The Tractor. It was partially autobiographical but mostly … Continue reading Revenge
Rage
(see update at bottom) I grew up with people subject to rage, and then married a man who did the same thing. Here's the thing about rage: it's all about control. Rage is not an expression of anger, it is a show put on by a disordered person, designed to flip the script; to … Continue reading Rage
Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
I have a good friend with whom I share many of my inner most thoughts, pretty or not. One of these thoughts was the idea that I wanted to "win" my divorce. I've decided (hopefully) that this is a very human, not at all unusual thought, especially among those who have been abused. It was … Continue reading Surviving Divorce from the Narcissist
Groomed but Escaped 