I chose the word overcoming because I just realized the extent to which I've been marginalized by my ex narc. Marginalized is also a strong word, and I have included it quite deliberately, because when you read the definition, "the process whereby someone is pushed to the edge of a group and accorded less importance", … Continue reading Overcoming Parenting with A Narcissist
Dinner With The Covert Narc
The 1st time I had dinner at my ex's home I was surprised. My ex bragged about his father constantly. According to him, his father was his idol. He was a perfect father, husband, employee and Deacon. He was always on the go, leaving at 7AM for work, stopping home for a 15 minute dinner … Continue reading Dinner With The Covert Narc
Instead of Breaking
The glassblower knows: while in the heat of beginning, any shape is possible. Once hardened, the only way to change is to break. The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo That is the opening passage for February 19. I am much further along in the book (started reading it daily last April) so I'm not even sure … Continue reading Instead of Breaking
My Go-To Sites: Education is the Key
Recovering from narcissistic abuse requires knowledge. You have to understand what you were up against, how you got there, why you are so confused, what is real and what is not, and where to go from here. Some of my favorite resources are: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell http://ladywithatruck.com/the-3-phases-of-a-relationship-with-a-narcisist/ http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/yourmentalhealth/2015/10/15/recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-without-validation/ http://relationshipedia.me/ http://www.narcissismaddictionsabuse.com/index.html http://thenarcissisticlife.com/victims-of-npd-relationships-stages-of-recovery/ http://christinehammondcounseling.com/2015/01/13/how-narcissists-use-money-to-abuse/ https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?298-Working-Through-Rage-After-Abuse https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/complex-ptsd#section-emotional-neglect:-a-primary-cause-of-complex-ptsd? http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/02/24/shame-guilt-neurotic-manipulation/ … Continue reading My Go-To Sites: Education is the Key
Lies Don’t Work Here Anymore
I've been looking into private schools for my 14 year old, who is struggling academically. Last night my eldest started chiding me for this. He said "the problem is that we just aren't as smart as you think we are. We are like dad - we don't think much. We are simple people". My first … Continue reading Lies Don’t Work Here Anymore
I Think I’m The Problem
It's not a far-fetched idea, that I am the problem. I'm the one here with my boys, day in , day out. If they are on the edge, teetering between happiness and misery, isn't that my doing, not the ex's? He's not here to influence them - I am. And it seems that I'm … Continue reading I Think I’m The Problem
Deal Breakers = Boundaries
I've always thought that people who claim certain characteristics/beliefs/habits are "deal breakers" are excessively picky. I've stood firm in this judgement. One friend in particular has a ton of deal breakers: he's shorter then I, he's not successful professionally, he's an engineer, he has no sense of humor, he doesn't like Bruce Springsteen, etc. etc. … Continue reading Deal Breakers = Boundaries
Yoga Queen
Today I got a "damn girl" from one of the regular's at my yoga studio. It was particularly exciting, because it came from one of the better Yogi's in the class! In case you didn't know, February 4th marked the beginning of the Year of the Monkey. In recognition, our teacher focused class on … Continue reading Yoga Queen
The Paradox of Fear
Since I've been diagnosed with PSTD, and am about to embark on treatment specific to this issue, I feel compelled to research what this means. EMDR, the current treatment for PSTD, addresses the connections in the many components of our brain. I will be undergoing the same treatment as a soldier returning from war, … Continue reading The Paradox of Fear
The Unaccountable Accountant
Getting divorced is complicated, especially when you are in a situation like mine. My ex and I own a restaurant together. Over the years, as my health worsened, my role decreased and his increased. In the 4 or 5 years before our separation I had little to do with the business, leaving decisions, management and … Continue reading The Unaccountable Accountant
Groomed but Escaped 